Gypsy |
In response
to the fan letter that flooded in, time for another episode
in our life. |
Tim |
I still think
that was from Stanley Cat. |
Gypsy |
The black and
white one who lives just down the road? |
Tim |
That's the
one, he wants a part in Star Cats - The Movie. This episode
is more |
|
of a horror
story than previous tales. We see the staff's dark side. Let's
start at |
|
the very beginning. |
Gypsy |
A very good
place to start, sounds like a cue for a meoooooow. |
Tim |
Please do not,
but your singing is a good lead into horror. I suppose it
started |
|
just after Christmas.
We gave our approval for John to send the previous |
|
episode to
Ann. I like the captions she puts on our pictures. |
Gypsy |
First the
Christmas decorations were taken down. Nothing to do with
us I must |
|
add, staff
did that. I was becoming used to them. Then one morning, John
got |
|
up, opened
the patio door to let us into the garden, while he got our
breakfast |
|
ready. Nothing unusual
there, I went upstairs to make sure Thelma was awake. |
|
A cheery meow,
and a cat jumping from the bed-room door always works. |
Tim |
I stayed down-stairs
looking out of the door, until John closed it. I ate breakfast,
|
|
then went up
for my morning grooming, it does make my fur shine. |
Gypsy |
As I went down to breakfast,
John came into the bed-room. |
Tim |
Thelma went
downstairs, Madeleine got up, but I could not find John, until
I |
|
looked in the
bed. There he was, then Thelma said something about flu virus.
|
|
When the staff
are ill, a cat's duty is clear. Stay with them. So we did,
for two |
|
days, apart
from trips to the food bowl. Only one cat at a time left his
post, the |
|
other snuggled
down in the duvet, next to John. |
Gypsy |
Usually both
of us were there, it was nice and warm. Then Madeleine caught
the |
|
bug, and stayed
home from school. I went to her room, while you stayed with |
|
John. |
Tim |
Next day John
was well enough to get up, and Thelma was ill, as well as
|
|
Madeleine.
This went on for over a week, quite exhausting for us cats. |
Gypsy |
John lit a
fire downstairs, and the others came down after a day or two. |
Tim |
The fire was nice. I spent
quite a lot of time sleeping in front of it. |
Gypsy |
Madeleine went
back to school, and Thelma got better, so we resumed normal
|
|
duties. Pretty
much the same as sick patrol, except we had the beds to |
|
ourselves. |
|
Staff Notice: The boys prefer
separate rooms for their daytime siesta, although they
sometimes share.
|
Tim |
A few weeks
later the horror began. A stormy morning in March, clouds |
|
gathered in
the sky, rain lashed down, the wind howled, it was dark. Can
we |
|
have some spooky
music? |
Gypsy |
You watch the
X-files too often. There was slight rain. At first John let
us out |
|
into the garden
for a stroll, while he got our breakfast ready. He is still
too slow, |
|
but improving.
We soon came in from the garden, and the door was closed |
|
behind us. |
Tim |
Normal behaviour,
humans don't seem to like cold winds. After my first |
|
breakfast
I went upstairs for my morning grooming. |
Gypsy |
I went to
make sure Thelma was awake. When I went back down-stairs,
the |
|
door was shut.
John did not seem to understand when I asked him to open it.
I |
|
went to the
kibble dish to feed. This behaviour pattern can mean they
are going |
|
away. I wondered
if something was going to happen, and V, Vuh, Vuh - You- |
|
Know-Who was
coming. |
Tim |
Voldemort? |
Gypsy |
No dog-brain,
VET. |
Tim |
The trouble
is humans are inconsistent and devious. |
Gypsy |
Several weeks
earlier two small cages had appeared in one of the bed-rooms.
|
|
Treats were
sometimes in them. Their doors were always open. I used to
go |
|
inside, they
were very comfortable. |
Tim |
However, that
morning when I wandered into the hall I saw a cage there.
I also |
|
saw John and Thelma moving
towards me. I fled. John grabbed me, but with an |
|
acrobatic twist
I was away. |
Gypsy |
Acrobatic
twist, my feeding bowl, you scratched John's hand, and he
dropped |
|
you. I watched
as you were chased from room to room, until you were trapped
|
|
in the kitchen.
|
Tim |
The cage was
quite comfortable, when you became used to it. John understood
|
|
about the claw
marks on his arm, he only lost a little blood, for a human.
You |
|
went in your
cage without a fuss. |
Gypsy |
Cat treats
were provided. Next, both cages were carried into John's car. |
Tim |
Thelma drove.
John sat in the back with me. You were on the front seat next
to |
|
Thelma. They
kept talking to us, and we kept talking back. |
Gypsy |
This was the
first time we had been in a car since we arrived. We kept
asking to |
|
go home for
the entire journey. |
Tim |
The car stopped,
and we were carried into a big house. There were several |
|
other cats,
and some dogs, and lots of strange smells. I knew instantly,
we were |
|
at THE VETS!!!!! |
Gypsy |
We sat in our
cages for a while, Thelma and John talked to us, and we kept
|
|
talking back.
|
Tim |
Then the door
flew open, and this gigantic figure dressed all in black leapt
into |
|
the room. He
had mad staring eyes, a long scaly tail, and carried a big
knife. He |
|
cackled insanely. |
Gypsy |
Tim! |
Tim |
OK, perhaps
we can use it in a dream sequence in the film. Actually a
nice |
|
young lady
in a white coat asked Thelma and John to take us into another
room. |
Gypsy |
That's more
truthful. They put my cage on a weighing machine, then took
me out |
|
of the cage,
and weighed the cage. I was jabbed in the back of the neck,
and |
|
put back in
my cage. |
Tim |
Same thing
happened to me, and the vet looked at my teeth. |
Gypsy |
They said your
teeth were covered in tartar, and you would need special food
to |
|
clean them. |
Tim |
They said you
were overweight, and had to go on a diet. Then Thelma and
John |
|
carried us
back to the car. |
Gypsy |
We knew we
were heading home, so we stopped talking. |
Tim |
A few days
later, just when we thought things were back to normal, I
was |
|
grabbed, and
a worming tablet pushed into my mouth. The cunning humans
had |
|
wrapped me
in a blanket, so I could not get revenge. Those tablets dissolve
|
|
once they are
in your mouth, and taste horrible. |
Gypsy |
You're complaining!
Because I am "allegedly" a few ounces heavier than
my |
|
guide weight,
I had two tablets. |
|
Staff Notice: About 5 pounds
over weight. Cat treats are no more for Gyps, except on
rare occasions.
|
Tim |
I am exactly
the correct weight. |
Gypsy |
With or without
the tartar? |
Tim |
Be careful
not to bite your lip, you would poison yourself, brother dear.
Now, |
|
the comedy. |
Gypsy |
The next morning
I was in the garden, when a bird flew rather close, so I chased
|
|
it. It flew
over the hedge, I ran up a tree next to the hedge. |
Tim |
Thelma called
to John to look at the tree. There you were, half-way up the
tree, |
|
wandering out
on a fairly thin branch. John went to get a ladder. It was
too |
|
short. |
Gypsy |
I looked down
and could see John several feet below. I wanted to say, "Go
and |
|
get a longer
ladder, I'm not jumping all that way". |
Tim |
What came out
was "Meeeeeeeeeeeeew". John got a longer ladder
anyway. It |
|
was just long
enough for him to get a hold of you. |
Gypsy |
My tail was
what he got a hold of, but then he put an arm around my body.
|
|
I was scared,
it was a long way down to the ground. I did not want to let
go of |
|
the tree, but
finally he pulled my front paws off it, and I sat in his arms
while he |
|
carried me
back to earth. So much for the diet, once down I got lots
of cat |
|
treats. |
Tim |
Next episode,
the story of your diet, Every Dawn I Diet, Gypsy and the Giant
|
|
Hamster Wheel
perhaps, Not Fade Away, or Guess Who's Not Coming To |
|
Dinner. |
Gypsy |
Because of
your teeth, Separate Feeding Bowls, Jaws, or The Curse Of
|
|
Dracula, (no
offence meant Dracs), might be more appropriate. |
Tim |
At least,
Ann has space for one more story before she has to redesign
the title- |
|
page of the
web-site. |
Gypsy |
You are all
heart, Timmy, say goodnight. |
Tim |
I'm off for
some special food. |
Gypsy |
Please send
food parcels. I'm wasting away. |